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There's a big difference between elementary school and middle school. In fact, many moms will tell you that middle school was harder than high school.
Preparing your tween for the next three years
So what should you tell your child to be prepared for? What are the biggest differences? Read on for the information you should arm your son or daughter with as they get ready to make the big leap to the bigger school.
Most likely, for the better part of the past six years, your child has been in the same school. He knows his way around. He's used to the teachers, the classrooms, the procedures. And now, as he prepares to head off to middle school, it's important to realize he is about to experience some huge changes in his school experience. Dr. Jennifer Powell-Lunder, a clinical psychologist and co-author of the book, Teenage as a Second Language, says the best way to understand the transition from elementary school and middle school, is for parents to first understand the main differences between them.
Elementary school
Classes: One main class, often one main teacher
Supplies: Cubby/hook in classroom
Organization: Teacher assistance with organization
Changing classes: Teacher escorts student to specials in school
Development stage: Steady development and growth toward puberty
Homework: Some homework — parent participation recommended
Size: Smaller school
Middle school
Classes: Individual classes for each subject, no main teacher
Supplies: One locker somewhere in school
Organization: Student responsible for organization
Changing classes: Student expected to find her own way
Development stage: Pre-puberty/puberty
Homework: Increase in volume and level of difficulty of homework. Independent work with some parent support recommended
Size: Larger school — often several schools combine into one school
The challenge: Staying organized
Experts agree that in middle school, one of the most important things your child will have to learn is organization. Up to this point, your son or daughter has likely had a lot of help from his teachers to stay on top of assignments. But in middle school, the responsibility will start to fall on him more than ever. "If you have a child who is less organized than other kids, the adjustment can be more difficult. Especially because the kids change classes and, as such, tend to have multiple binders and folders," says Powell.
"This is the time when children must learn to balance their time with school work and the demands and expectations from several teachers, as well as their friends," says Ali Lorio, former middle school teacher and author of Champion Parenting, Giving Your Child the Competitive Edge.
How you can help: "Work with your child to label each subject folder and create notebook sections for each class. If organization does not come easily to your tween, a color coding system can be quite helpful: one color for each subject including a separate notebook and folder. These visual cues can do the trick for even the most disorganized tween," recommends Powell.
Former middle school teacher Sheila Kreditor Lobel also offers this advice to help kids avoid getting buried in papers. "Many students get into the habit of stash-and-dash at the end of the class period, which means by the end of the week they're buried in papers. If you make it an expectation that Friday is paper filing day, your child will be very happy to start each week organized and able to find what she needs. Help her at first, then wean your child as she shows she can be more independent."
Up next: More challenges and solutions >>
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The challenge: The locker
Believe it or not, when tweens are asked about the number one issue that worries them about middle school, it's the lockers. "Specifically tweens worry they will have trouble opening their locker; they worry they will have trouble finding their locker especially between classes in the new building; they worry they won’t have enough time to get to their classes on time if they stop at their locker," says Powell.
How you can help: "Provide a combination lock on which your tween can practice so at least he gains confidence in his ability to get it opened and closed. Ask older siblings to offer a pep talk. If your child has an older sibling at the middle school already, ask her to keep an eye out and offer assistance before the school year starts," Powell advises.
The challenge: A bigger school
When your child transitions to middle school, the school will be considerably larger, which can be overwhelming for your child whose used to a much smaller space. "Much of what kids experience overall is the stress and anxiety associated with the change in the physical plant and the change in procedure and expectations," says Powell.
How you can help: "Parents can help quell much of their child’s anxiety. If possible, visit the school several times before opening day," suggests Powell.
The challenge: Fitting in
You can probably remember your own middle school horror stories — especially the harsh memories of trying to find the social circles you were most comfortable in. Now, your child will be going through the same thing. "This is the time when young people tend to form cliques, and there can be problems with some adolescents being ostracized or feeling like they just don't fit in," remarks Lobel. "Middle schoolers can be mean. Sometimes they don't even know they're being hurtful."
How you can help: "Keep the lines of communication open but also know when to be a mute chauffeur," proposes Lobel. "Always volunteer to carpool groups of kids. Kids often forget you're at the wheel and you can learn a lot about their social life."
The challenge: Puberty
As if juggling the emotional changes isn't hard enough, your child will also have to deal with the physical ones — like acne, the menstral cyle and growth spurts. "As puberty kicks in, your tween may be feeling a bit awkward due to changes in her body. The transition to the new and larger school can add to the discomfort," says Powell.
How you can help: Powell says that a little positive reinforcement can go a long way."Find simple ways to help build your tween’s confidence and self-esteem. Ask her to help you at home and be sure to compliment her when she does."
Stay involved
It might be your instinct to step aside because your child is getting older and becoming more responsible, but Lorio urges against this. "Many times parents automatically relinquish their authority to the child once the child hits the middle school. It is highly suggested that parents continue to monitor and keep an organized routine allowing the child to gain confidence in his new environment and additional responsibilities." Parents should stay involved by:
- Attending school meetings, events, and/or acting as volunteers
- Staying informed about school programs, course curriculum, teacher expectations, and students' progress on a regular basis
- Monitoring all friendships
- Networking with other parents
- Supervising the child's educational and outside activities while maintaining high expectations
Read more tips for managing the middle school transition >>
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